On December 23, 2005 (2 days before Christmas), I went in for my 23-week sonogram to find out the sex of my baby. I was more excited than I had ever been in my life! I wanted a child since I could remember, and this appointment was finally going to allow me to narrow down some baby names. But my excitement quickly turned into despair. During the sonogram, my doctor noted that there was a lack of amniotic fluid and that my baby’s head shape wasn’t quite right. The doctor couldn’t even tell the baby’s sex because of the lack of fluid. I immediately thought, “Great! I’ll just be on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy and won’t have to work anymore!”. But I was wrong. He sent me to a neonatal specialist, who gave me the diagnosis that would forever change my life: my baby had no kidneys or bladder, and no circulatory system from the waist down. Somehow the cells didn’t divide properly during the first month of my pregnancy, so my baby’s organs never formed. I asked the doctor what it meant (as I was still in denial), and he slowly replied that there was no hope for survival. I literally had an out-of-body experience and heard nothing else that came out of the doctor’s mouth. I cut him off mid-sentence and left the room. I collapsed in the hallway and sobbed so hard that I’m certain the entire hospital heard my wails. I suffered through the holidays knowing that I would never be able to feel my baby’s breath on my skin, or to see my angel staring back at me. 

On January 3, 2006, after 23 hours of labor, I delivered a stillborn little boy. I held him for hours, wondering what he could have been, and what he would have looked like when he was all grown up. 
It was by far the worst day of my life, and sometimes I still can’t believe it happened to me. But I know that my baby boy is staring down at me, and I hope he’s proud of the mother I have become to my daughter, Celenia, who was born in 2011. Her name means “Heaven”, and she is a beautiful, smart, and funny little doll that I am blessed to call my own. 

The WNY Parental Bereavement Network was and IS an integral part of my healing process, and they do so much for grieving parents and families. I am honored to walk for all of the babies who have passed and hope that you will donate to this great cause. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

Thank you for taking the time to read our story and learn about our baby who will only live on in our hearts… forever. We would like to ask that you help the organization that has helped us and helps so many others in their times of need.

All donations made to this page are made in loving memory of our baby gone too soon and will be used towards the WNYPBN’s Program.